Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Making Progress

Today Kiari received her 7th (3rd post-birth) blood transfusion. I was pretty sure we were getting close to needing another as I noticed she was looking pretty pale. Funny thing though, even at her palest, she is still far more pink than I am. Dang, I glow in the sunshine. Texas should be interesting. Hope everyone down there has a good pair of shades. haha
Pale Baby (she really is, even if the camera doesn't show it well)

Pink Baby - She looked the color of a cherry fruit loop (how fitting)

Monday was not a good night for me at all. We have now been in the nicu for more than 45 days. It is really getting to me. Monday she didn't take ANY bottles at all. Sunday I could not get her to nurse and I was so beyond frustrated. All she would do is bite me. And that didn't help my hormonal emotions either. I know it isn't meant to be, but again, the hormones get to me sometimes and it just felt like rejection. As I was getting ready on Monday night for another long night in the NICU, I Just cried as I did the dishes. I didn't have it in me. My husband suggested that I stay at home. STAY AT HOME?!?! but my baby is in the hospital. How does a mother stay at home? UNHEARD OF! But at the same time I was dreading going. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be angry with her for not eating. I didn't want to be upset about her lack of desire to nurse and bond with me. I didn't want to look at that stupid Isolet. So after many more tears I came to a decision that it was actually better to stay at home and cry than it would be to drive to the hospital, sit there and be upset and cry.
Mother and Baby Pendant

I haven't been in my studio in ages. I miss being in there. I miss being creative. So I spent the night in my studio with silver, gemstones and HAMMERS!!!! Oh how I have missed my hammers and tools. Yes, I am strange. But the result of the night was totally worth it. I figured if I wasn't going to spend the night in the NICU holding my baby I would create a pendant that depicted a mother holding a baby. It was very therapeutic and I felt so much better the next day when I returned to the NICU refreshed... a little. :)
Daddy on Diaper Duty (oh how I love a man that isn't afraid of a little dirty work)

She is doing really well. She weighs 6 1/2 pounds already. She is still not eating everything by mouth, so sadly, there is no hope of going home this week. *Sniff Sniff* However, we did make a great big leap today. After her transfusion and just before lunch, my sweet baby said goodbye to her warm and cozy isolet and HELLO OPEN AIR CRIB!!!! I was so excited. I didn't think they were going to move her into it until she took all feeds by mouth. And boy does that open crib look good on her. There was even mention of "next week." I am trying to not get my hopes up too high as I know it depends entirely on her and her eating habits.

Tonight I am home as my hubby is working and while I should be cleaning my house, I am sitting here on the computer. But this is so much more relaxing. Tomorrow I will regret it when a fellow artist drops by a fabulous new tool for me. Perhaps I will get up early and clean before she gets here.... then again, perhaps she will see the house of a family with a baby in the NICU. 


  1. If your friend that is coming over is a fellow artist, she knows that life is messy sometimes, and she won't care. She will just be glad to see you. Thinking hurry home thoughts for your little angel.

  2. Poor Kiari! Another transfusion? That little doll has been through so much. I look forward to the day when she no longer needs them. But even more, I look forward to the days he comes home.

    I am sorry I haven't been here for you more Beanie. We are both struggling so much with our battles right now. I am getting better though (turning back from a newt into a person), and am going to be here for you more going forward.

    I love you loads.