Wednesday, August 25, 2010

1st day of school and appointment

Well today was my oldest daughter's first day of middle school. She is only in the 5th grade, but that is when they start middle school here. She was so nervous this morning. She was really cute though. I guess the day turned out okay. She isn't a big fan of school in the first place. I hope things go a bit better for her this year. She will have the opportunity to meet all sorts of new friends as there are three elementary schools that feed into the middle school.

Today, Kelsi would have also started Kindergarten. it still gets me all misty eyed and I cried about it today at my doctor's appointment. The doctor was really sweet. He said, the anniversaries are just really hard and sometimes just suck. :) Boy was he right.

Well, I have been having contractions for the past couple of nights. So he did a pretty thorough exam to make sure everything was closed and looked good. Everything is looking good so far. We will keep an eye on it to make certain nothing happens. I did talk the sonographer to sneak a peak to see if we could see if the baby was a boy or girl though. :) She told me not to run out and buy any thing for the baby yet, but if she had to guess, it looks like we are in for GIRL #4. :) I guess I really don't know how to make little boys. But that is okay by me too. I love my girls. And my husband is so cute with our girls. :) You know, it takes a special man to be a daddy of only girls. That, and lots of ammo. :) HAHAHA

So, I am not holding my breath yet that it truly is a girl, but it is kind of fun to think about. We should know more at the 20 week ultrasound. We also talked about the MCA's (ultrasounds of the brain checking for blood flow due to the Rh Antibody) and we will start those at 18 weeks. So just a couple of more weeks until that gets underway.

I am just glad that things are looking good for now.

Saturday, August 21, 2010


Thursday I threw a birthday party for my 4 year old. Her birthday was in July, but I could barely get myself off my couch. So, while it was postponed, she still enjoyed it quite a bit. I had 4 little girls come over. The neighbors on either side of me both have little girls the "same" age as Kate. There was one little girl from church and the last little girl lives right across the street from us. There is an interesting background on the little girl across the street. When I was pregnant with Kelsi, I participated on an online board for expecting moms. We were all due at the same time and such. Well, keep in mind that at the time, I lived in Virginia in the DC area. Everyone was wonderful when Kelsi was born at 24 weeks and then passed away 2 1/2 days later. Fast forward to two years ago when we bought my current home. Strangely enough the family DIRECTLY across the street from me is one that belongs to one of the moms from that group.

Well, their little girl, that was due within days of Kelsi, is alive and well. She is a beautiful little girl full of life and so much fun. It is fun and difficult to watch her all at the same time. Well, this little girl was at the party and she was talking about how she had just been to her kindergarten orientation, met her teacher, bought her clothes and school supplies.

Then it hit me, Kelsi should be starting Kindergarten next week too. I am really having a hard time with this. Every time I think about it, I just cry. Even typing this is difficult. I know that if she had lived, she most likely wouldn't really even be starting kindergarten, and perhaps she never would be able to attend school, but you don't really think about things like that. You think about how things "should" be, not how they "really would be."

I posted something about this on my facebook status today and one of my "friends" posted about how her son would be 26 years old now. She often wonders what he would be like, where he would be in life, any grand kids she might have, etc. and I just though, OH MY GOSH. I had never thought that far ahead. There is so much to miss out on.

You get past the "anniversary's," the birthdays, the angel dates, and you learn how to deal with those. It is really interesting how the the new "missed memories" hit. I never expected this. I didn't think it would hit me so hard. I certainly didn't expect to cry like I have been every time I think about her going (or not) to kindergarten. Earlier I was thinking about going out to sit with my friend on the first day that her little girl gets onto the bus. But I don't think I can do it.

On another note, Kate's birthday party was great! The girls were requested to wear their favorite dress and bring a doll. We started out by decorating their gift bags. They used sparkly stickers and markers. It was fun! They each received a princess crown and wand, a silly straw and of course princess jewelry. Then they made a bracelet for them selves and one for their dolly. I made a special necklace for each of them with their names. After that, we went upstairs and had cake and opened presents. We ended right at 2 hours. It was the perfect timing. Everyone was occupied and entertained the entire time. It was low cost, low mess and perfect for 4 and 5 year old's.

I am 15 weeks today. I swear this is going to be the longest pregnancy I have ever had. Each day seems to just drag on and on and on....and oh so slowly. I really am trying to enjoy this, but the constipation and nausea is making that difficult. But to help combat that nausea one of the sweetest bloggy friends (Justine of A Half Baked life) offered to make me some ginger-lemon carrot muffins. They came yesterday and all I can say is, "NOM NOM NOM" Ooooh, they are good. :) Justine has such a fun blog. Not only does she post what is going on with her (another pregnancy just a couple weeks ahead of me) but she also posts the most fantastic recipes that are DELISH looking. I wish she lived closer. And they are amazing recipes. In my muffins she even uses some of the ingredients she grew in her very own garden. Thanks so much Justine!!!!

One of these days I am going to figure out how to post pictures on here and then I can share some pictures of the party and other things. :)

Monday, August 16, 2010


Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. Man, that makes me sound old. I guess I am getting up there, but we did get married young. :) We got married a month after I turned 20 and he turned 23. We were talking about our anniversary just a couple of weeks ago and he said, "It sure doesn't seem that long ago." And it really doesn't until you look back at all of the experiences we have been through together.

He really is an amazing guy. I am so lucky that I got him and even more lucky that he loves me the way he does. I haven't ever been the easiest person to love or get along with, but he has plugged along with me as I figured out "who I was." and we have really grown very close to each other. It is kind of funny, I think we figured we had a 130% chance of divorce, but here we are, strong as ever. They say that couples that go through medical school married have an 80 - 90% chance of divorce, and throw in there the death of a child, WHILE in med school and that is at least 50 - 60%. And there were times where we really did struggle. But I am so glad we forged ahead and figured it out.

On the baby front, I am finally 14 weeks along WOOHOO!!!! I wish I could say that I was feeling better. There have been a couple of days where the mornings were really good, then out of nowhere, they were horrible all day long again. I have also figured out that this baby doesn't like pizza. Whenever I eat it, it tries its hardest to get it out of my body. :) HAHAHA Luckily, I have been able to keep my food down for the past few weeks. I am just looking forward to getting rid of the all-day sickness. That can go away any time now and I won't miss it one little bit.

I am still seeing the doctor every other week, which is sure nice on me mentally. :) It is great to go in often to make certain things are going well. I will most likely start my weekly appointments in another 4 - 6 weeks. We will be watching the baby's blood flow in the brain through an ultrasound to see if it is affected by the high Rh antibody that I have.

So in the mean time, the baby's heart rate is in the 140's. Everyone loves to tell me about the wives tales and how that means it is a boy. For whatever reason, the whole gender thing is really rubbing me wrong. I guess because I have 3 girls already everyone just automatically assumes I am hoping for a boy this time. Actually, I don't really care, as long as it is healthy and alive. And truth be told, I would prefer another girl. I know what to do with girls. I get to dress them up and put jewelry on them and bows in their hair, and candy cane tights at Christmas time. You don't get to do any of that with a boy. And don't get me started on the names. Everyone has name suggestions. Luckily, I haven't liked any of them. I think this time, I am going to pick my names and not tell anyone what we have chosen until the baby is born. At this rate, it won't be an issue anyway, because I can't think of a single name that I would like to name my child, boy or girl. ;) HAHAHA

So for now, I am plugging away and continuing to hold down the couch. It is safe and sound. :)

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Finally found it

A few weeks back my little sister send me her baby heart beat doppler. I have been unsuccessful in finding that heartbeat until last night. It was so cool and such a relief to hear that little swooshing sound. I remember being pregnant with my first and they would hook me up to the machine and then try to turn the sound down. I would always make them turn it back up so that I could at least hear it. It is a sound that I could listen to for hours. Even when I was admitted to the hospital and I was dead tired, I would rather forgo any sleep and listen to the swooshing.

I am finally 13 weeks. I am starting to get more and more confident about the pregnancy again. Last week I had my NT Scan and the baby was jumping and moving around so much we had a hard time getting the measurements, but the tech was awesome and finally got them. It was fantastic to see the baby moving so much though. The girls were with us and my youngest could even tell that it was a baby this time. She was so excited. It has been really fun to watch her. She has always been into dolls, but ever since we told her I was going to have another one, she carries them around EVERYWHERE. she gets upset if I won't let her take the doll stroller and such. I think I need to get her a baby bjorn type of carrier for a doll. I think she would like that.

I am starting to feel more and more human. The nights are still yucky, but at least it isn't all day long and I am hoping the days of paying homage to the great white throne are all done.

I still battle my fears of various complications but I am trying really hard to just deal with them and let them be dormant. Some days it is easier to do that than others. Any mom that has had a loss knows exactly what I am talking about.

I have another appointment this next Wednesday. My oldest starts school in about 2 weeks. I am so not ready yet. It is so hard to go shopping when you feel like crapola. But feeling like it or not, I guess it is time to get the shopping done. Why do they insist on growing so quickly? Or can't they figure out a way to make clothes that will just stay nice and grow with the kids for a couple of seasons?

Cheers to all, and I hope to write more often now that I am beginning to be more human.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

So far so good

Well, it has been a while since I updated things. I haven't been on my computer much at all. And anyone who knows me, knows that I am ALWAYS on my computer. That is how sick I have been feeling with this little one. Now that I am past the 12 week mark, I am still not feeling tip top and spend most of the evenings on the couch, but the mornings are getting better and better. Hopefully the trend continues and I will be human again within the next few weeks.

Last Thursday we has the NT Scan. This is where they check for things like Downs Syndrome and other birth defects. They did an ultrasound where they check the thickness of the skin on the back of the baby's neck as an indicator. They are looking for a number below 3 and mine was 1.3, so that was really good. Not only that, but my little bean was SO FLIPPING ACTIVE. It was jumping around so much we had a hard time getting the shots we needed, but we did eventually get them.

Our girls came and they LOVED it. My youngest (just turned 4) could finally tell it was a baby. My oldest (10 years old) kept coming over and giving me kisses. She is really starting to get excited about the baby. She will come and give my tummy kisses and then one on my cheek. She says I get one for the baby and one for me. It is really sweet. My youngest just asks when my belly will get HUGE. HA! It is already working on it. I haven't gained any weight yet, thank goodness. I am trying to keep it to a minimum since I had gained so much weight in the last year anyway. So the goal is only 10 - 15 pounds for the pregnancy. It is going to be hard, but I am determined to do it.

They say that with subsequent children you begin to show much sooner. I found that was absolutely the case with my third, but this fourth is really getting out there. Of course it doesn't help that I have so much "fluff" on top of that little belly of mine. It just gets pushed out further and further. :( BLAH! I hate having weight issues. If only I didn't like food so much. ;) HA!

My mom came for a short visit about a week and a half ago. I felt bad that I didn't feel well and we didn't really do anything, but it was so nice to have her here. My girls enjoyed the fact that she was here. Too bad we have to wait another 6 months before we get to see her again.

Well, I guess that is it for now. Thanks for the continued well wishes and prayers. They seem to be working really well. :) Keep 'em Coming.