Finally found it

A few weeks back my little sister send me her baby heart beat doppler. I have been unsuccessful in finding that heartbeat until last night. It was so cool and such a relief to hear that little swooshing sound. I remember being pregnant with my first and they would hook me up to the machine and then try to turn the sound down. I would always make them turn it back up so that I could at least hear it. It is a sound that I could listen to for hours. Even when I was admitted to the hospital and I was dead tired, I would rather forgo any sleep and listen to the swooshing.

I am finally 13 weeks. I am starting to get more and more confident about the pregnancy again. Last week I had my NT Scan and the baby was jumping and moving around so much we had a hard time getting the measurements, but the tech was awesome and finally got them. It was fantastic to see the baby moving so much though. The girls were with us and my youngest could even tell that it was a baby this time. She was so excited. It has been really fun to watch her. She has always been into dolls, but ever since we told her I was going to have another one, she carries them around EVERYWHERE. she gets upset if I won't let her take the doll stroller and such. I think I need to get her a baby bjorn type of carrier for a doll. I think she would like that.

I am starting to feel more and more human. The nights are still yucky, but at least it isn't all day long and I am hoping the days of paying homage to the great white throne are all done.

I still battle my fears of various complications but I am trying really hard to just deal with them and let them be dormant. Some days it is easier to do that than others. Any mom that has had a loss knows exactly what I am talking about.

I have another appointment this next Wednesday. My oldest starts school in about 2 weeks. I am so not ready yet. It is so hard to go shopping when you feel like crapola. But feeling like it or not, I guess it is time to get the shopping done. Why do they insist on growing so quickly? Or can't they figure out a way to make clothes that will just stay nice and grow with the kids for a couple of seasons?

Cheers to all, and I hope to write more often now that I am beginning to be more human.