Saturday, August 21, 2010


Thursday I threw a birthday party for my 4 year old. Her birthday was in July, but I could barely get myself off my couch. So, while it was postponed, she still enjoyed it quite a bit. I had 4 little girls come over. The neighbors on either side of me both have little girls the "same" age as Kate. There was one little girl from church and the last little girl lives right across the street from us. There is an interesting background on the little girl across the street. When I was pregnant with Kelsi, I participated on an online board for expecting moms. We were all due at the same time and such. Well, keep in mind that at the time, I lived in Virginia in the DC area. Everyone was wonderful when Kelsi was born at 24 weeks and then passed away 2 1/2 days later. Fast forward to two years ago when we bought my current home. Strangely enough the family DIRECTLY across the street from me is one that belongs to one of the moms from that group.

Well, their little girl, that was due within days of Kelsi, is alive and well. She is a beautiful little girl full of life and so much fun. It is fun and difficult to watch her all at the same time. Well, this little girl was at the party and she was talking about how she had just been to her kindergarten orientation, met her teacher, bought her clothes and school supplies.

Then it hit me, Kelsi should be starting Kindergarten next week too. I am really having a hard time with this. Every time I think about it, I just cry. Even typing this is difficult. I know that if she had lived, she most likely wouldn't really even be starting kindergarten, and perhaps she never would be able to attend school, but you don't really think about things like that. You think about how things "should" be, not how they "really would be."

I posted something about this on my facebook status today and one of my "friends" posted about how her son would be 26 years old now. She often wonders what he would be like, where he would be in life, any grand kids she might have, etc. and I just though, OH MY GOSH. I had never thought that far ahead. There is so much to miss out on.

You get past the "anniversary's," the birthdays, the angel dates, and you learn how to deal with those. It is really interesting how the the new "missed memories" hit. I never expected this. I didn't think it would hit me so hard. I certainly didn't expect to cry like I have been every time I think about her going (or not) to kindergarten. Earlier I was thinking about going out to sit with my friend on the first day that her little girl gets onto the bus. But I don't think I can do it.

On another note, Kate's birthday party was great! The girls were requested to wear their favorite dress and bring a doll. We started out by decorating their gift bags. They used sparkly stickers and markers. It was fun! They each received a princess crown and wand, a silly straw and of course princess jewelry. Then they made a bracelet for them selves and one for their dolly. I made a special necklace for each of them with their names. After that, we went upstairs and had cake and opened presents. We ended right at 2 hours. It was the perfect timing. Everyone was occupied and entertained the entire time. It was low cost, low mess and perfect for 4 and 5 year old's.

I am 15 weeks today. I swear this is going to be the longest pregnancy I have ever had. Each day seems to just drag on and on and on....and oh so slowly. I really am trying to enjoy this, but the constipation and nausea is making that difficult. But to help combat that nausea one of the sweetest bloggy friends (Justine of A Half Baked life) offered to make me some ginger-lemon carrot muffins. They came yesterday and all I can say is, "NOM NOM NOM" Ooooh, they are good. :) Justine has such a fun blog. Not only does she post what is going on with her (another pregnancy just a couple weeks ahead of me) but she also posts the most fantastic recipes that are DELISH looking. I wish she lived closer. And they are amazing recipes. In my muffins she even uses some of the ingredients she grew in her very own garden. Thanks so much Justine!!!!

One of these days I am going to figure out how to post pictures on here and then I can share some pictures of the party and other things. :)


  1. Tons and tons of hugs coming your way! The worst moments for me are when I think that far into the future, thinking that in 26 years I will still be wondering what my girls would be up to. Ugh, I just try to focus on today and tomorrow, or the next hour if I need to to get through my days. Anything else is just way to much for me to take in and handle. Tons of hugs coming your way!

  2. Poor Beanie. :( I can only imagine how rough it is for you. It is rough for me as an auntie.

    I'm glad Tater finally got her bday party, even if it was a tad late. Better late than never! That and she got to extend the fun of her special day.

    Take care of yourself. I can't wait to see you in a couple weeks (I'll be pregnant then too!).

    Love you!

  3. sometimes the best memories are the ones that tiptoe into and out of our lives ever so softly. Thinking of you with empathy and understanding and thanking you for letting me also gently remember my precious Gabi who would be gracing middle school this year.