Chilling Thought

Okay, so I am actually sitting at my computer again. Such a rare thing to happen in the last couple of weeks. I was talking with my husband earlier tonight about the pregnancies I have had. With my first two pregnancies I have had preeclampsia. The first time wasn't severe and it was at 37 weeks. The second time however, as you may already know, was much more severe and so much earlier.

I have always been grateful for the day we live in now with all the medical advances. So many people say that it just isn't right, with all the advances that we still lose babies and mothers, which I agree with, but at the same time, I am so glad for the advances we do have. I had never really thought about it, but had I lived not even 100 years ago, I would have been one of those mothers that would have died during the pregnancy. It still sends a chill down my spine when I think about it.

I asked my husband if he had been worried about me when we were going through all of that. He certainly kept a pretty cool head while it was all happening. He was the one that took my blood pressure the morning after Christmas and it was 170/110. He said that at that moment he was actually pretty scared. He was a 3rd year med student at the time and knew what those blood pressures were capable of, especially in pregnancy.

I think it would be hard to watch a spouse go through this. I know my parents had a very difficult time. They were watching both their daughter and grand daughter fight for their lives. I try not to think about it too much, but it does frighten me to be pregnant again. Most of the complications we had with Kelsi were flukes, but she caused a couple of others that are possibly life threatening to this new little one. It frightens me to think of the complications that, while not exactly likely, but still more possible than other pregnant women, that could take my life. It certainly puts a different perspective on things now and how I live my life. I don't get as upset over some of the little things....although, with the raging hormones, I must say that I am getting upset over the stupidest things just now. Hopefully that will calm down a bit soon.

I just hope this baby is healthy and survives. Because I can pretty much guarantee that it is the last child that will be born of my loins. Have I mentioned how much I simply HATE the first trimester? :) I can't wait for the second trimester and the all day sickness to go away. Then life will be much better. But for now, I am going to go back up and hold down the couch. I am not quite so confident for tonight's dinner however.