I meant to come down and make a Thanksgiving post this past week, but I never made it downstairs to my computer. This is the first time I have been down here since my last post.
Things are still going pretty smoothly. I didn't have to call my doctor once over the holiday. :) YAY! That is such a relief. The contractions have subsided for now. I still have a few here and there, but nothing like they were. I know that I will have a bunch again after the procedure this week, but for now I am enjoying the break and lack of jitters from the terbutaline. This week was almost Euphoric for me. Last Sunday I thought for sure I had lost our little girl. Monday we thought that she might make her appearance before Thanksgiving. Monday night things had settled down with some decent blood work and Kiari began to move around once again.
All this week she has been so active. So much so that it has been quite uncomfortable at time, but I am enjoying every second of it, never knowing when the last day will be. I will be heading in again in about an hour to do another blood test so they can check the liver enzymes again.
I am finally 29 weeks. This coming Saturday I will finally hit my much desired 30 weeks. I am quite excited as there are just days and moments where I am sure that I will never hit it, and then there are times where I sit here dreaming about what it would be like if I made it to 35. I am trying to be as patient and sane as possible, and some hours that just isn't possible. ;) My kids have been troopers. I know this is really hard for Riley to watch as well. I am reminded of when I was pregnant with Kate. She would often ask if the baby was going to be alive and stay alive. She would ask if I was going to be sick again and all I could ever do is tell her "I hope so, but I just don't know for certain." I just about cried due to the stress I could see in her face last Sunday when I wasn't feeling the baby move. It just broke my heart. Kate will often ask me if the baby is moving. When I tell her yes, she says that is good because it makes me cry when she doesn't.
This week I will return to OSU medical center for my 5th transfusion. Last Monday at my appointment our little girl weighed in at a whopping 3 pounds already. It will be interesting to see what she weighs tomorrow morning. I have gained an entire 4 1/2 - 7 pounds during this pregnancy. It just depends on the day. ;) HAHAHA today, I am only up 4 1/2 pounds. I have no clue how I could have possibly dropped a full pound and a half in the past 4 days. Hopefully Kiari is taking all of it and is growing well.
I am so grateful for all of the prayers and support that have been given to us. I honestly believe that it has made all of the difference in how things are going. Another strange yet wonderful thing that has happened is my blood pressure has gone down significantly. I mean I have having readings in the low 120's and lower over high 70's. It is truly another blessing. I still feel like I am sitting on a slipper slope, but I have had a bit of a reprieve and it has been heaven. Now I just hope my liver is behaving for today's test.
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!
Love,
Melissa
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Quick update
I just found out that there are no changes to the liver enzymes. Baby Kiari will stay put for another week, at least. Woohoo. Lots to give thanks for this year!
Hmmm, Interesting appointment
Well, I just got back from the doctor's office. I sure do love my Peri. He is such a good man. He just came up to me and said, "Melissa, you are killing me." And gave me the biggest and longest hug. When I got back to do the ultrasound Kiari was SO STINKING ACTIVE. It was perfect!!!!!! They had a hard time getting every measurement because she would not hold still. I will take it any day!!!!!
When the doctor came in to talk to me he said he was really glad that I had called him and he would have been more upset with me if I hadn't. He told me to call him 10 times a day if I needed to. He thinks that her slowed and lack of movement were due to the steroid shots. He said that those can really slow the baby down. So for now, that is what we will chalk it up to. He also told me that the steroids will mess my sugar levels up for about 3 days. Whew! At least that explains the sugars. I feel so much better about everything today.
We got talking about my lab results. He said that he isn't at all worried about the protein levels at this point and time. It is something to watch, but he considers it to be in a decent range for now. My blood pressure was probably one of the lowest I have had during this pregnancy 112/80 - BEAUTIFUL! So he isn't concerned about that just now either. However, he is VERY concerned about my elevated liver enzymes. We are running the liver panel now and will hopefully have the results in less than an hour from now.
He said that if they have remained close to what they were from last week, we will run them again. However, if they have gone up, we will talk about delivering the baby.... like now. I wasn't quite prepared for that.
So it is looking like we will be meeting little Kiari sooner rather than later. :( I am really hoping that some how I can keep her in there until 32 weeks. Part of me wants her out now so that I can see that she is moving and living, but of course, I know that it would still be far too soon for that. Even at 32 weeks, she may still run into some awful things and I don't want to make her suffer.
Even with that news, I am feeling relatively calm right now. I feel so much better than I did yesterday. the entire day was just difficult for me. I am really hoping that enzymes haven't gone up and if they have, it is only a little bit.
Thanks again for all the prayers and lighting of candles and Reiki and love and support and faith that you have all sent to Kiari and Me. It really does make a difference. Even if it brings nothing more than calm, that is HUGE!!!!
In a bit of unrelated news, my husband has decided on a position that he is going to take. It looks like I am about to become a Resident of Dallas, Texas. Looking forward to the change, but not the hot summers. BLECH! The girls are disappointed because they will no longer have snow. We told them we will just ship them up to stay with their grand parents during the snowy times. HAHAHA
When the doctor came in to talk to me he said he was really glad that I had called him and he would have been more upset with me if I hadn't. He told me to call him 10 times a day if I needed to. He thinks that her slowed and lack of movement were due to the steroid shots. He said that those can really slow the baby down. So for now, that is what we will chalk it up to. He also told me that the steroids will mess my sugar levels up for about 3 days. Whew! At least that explains the sugars. I feel so much better about everything today.
We got talking about my lab results. He said that he isn't at all worried about the protein levels at this point and time. It is something to watch, but he considers it to be in a decent range for now. My blood pressure was probably one of the lowest I have had during this pregnancy 112/80 - BEAUTIFUL! So he isn't concerned about that just now either. However, he is VERY concerned about my elevated liver enzymes. We are running the liver panel now and will hopefully have the results in less than an hour from now.
He said that if they have remained close to what they were from last week, we will run them again. However, if they have gone up, we will talk about delivering the baby.... like now. I wasn't quite prepared for that.
So it is looking like we will be meeting little Kiari sooner rather than later. :( I am really hoping that some how I can keep her in there until 32 weeks. Part of me wants her out now so that I can see that she is moving and living, but of course, I know that it would still be far too soon for that. Even at 32 weeks, she may still run into some awful things and I don't want to make her suffer.
Even with that news, I am feeling relatively calm right now. I feel so much better than I did yesterday. the entire day was just difficult for me. I am really hoping that enzymes haven't gone up and if they have, it is only a little bit.
Thanks again for all the prayers and lighting of candles and Reiki and love and support and faith that you have all sent to Kiari and Me. It really does make a difference. Even if it brings nothing more than calm, that is HUGE!!!!
In a bit of unrelated news, my husband has decided on a position that he is going to take. It looks like I am about to become a Resident of Dallas, Texas. Looking forward to the change, but not the hot summers. BLECH! The girls are disappointed because they will no longer have snow. We told them we will just ship them up to stay with their grand parents during the snowy times. HAHAHA
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I need a break
Well, I was really looking forward to going to church today and just spending some restful time listening to uplifting messages that I was hoping would bring me some calm and peace. Instead, I had an AWFUL morning. As I was getting up and getting going I noticed that little Kiari wasn't moving. I tried EVERYTHING. I pushed, I poked, I sat and laid in different positions, drank and ate, all in the hopes of SOMETHING. But i got NOTHING. I was mortified.
I worked on this for about 45 minutes this morning just to make sure I wasn't missing something and hoping that she was just sleeping. Last night she moved a little, but it wasn't up to her normal active movements. They were, once again, quiet and softer than what I know she is capable of and normally does. I received the first of the steroid shots to help mature her lungs in the event of a premature birth. Those can also slow the baby down a little, so I didn't think a whole lot of the decreased movements from last night. But boy did I this morning.
So I was there just crying and trying to get her to move. I swear I just about had a heart attack. I am only 28 weeks along and this is most certainly my last pregnancy. There is no way I can do another pregnancy, physically or mentally. I don't know how I would handle things if I lost her now. Oh the horrible things that went through my mind. It really sucks to be Pregnant after a Loss.
I called my doctor just sobbing and told him what was going on, and as I knew he would, he sent me in to Labor and Deliver. Problem.... Garth was at work. So I called him and he headed straight home. Luckily he works only about 20 minutes away. In the meantime, I had called about 6 different people to see if they could watch my girls. And of course, it being early on a Sunday morning, nobody answered, that only added to my panic. Finally I got a hold of my next door neighbor and she came and got my girls. Shortly after that Garth arrived and we headed to the hospital. He got us there quite quickly. what a good man! :)
The drive was excruciating. I have been down this path and was freaking out that I might have to travel it once again. I was thinking about what we would need to do to get a little casket. How would we get her to our burial plot in Utah. would Garth be able to take the time off to come out there for that? Could I really handle this again. All the time I am trying to elicit some movement from her and got nothing. Even just thinking about this morning makes me all teary.
Garth dropped me off at the front of the hospital and went to park the car. As I sat at the registration desk I finally felt the smallest of bumps against my belly button. HOPE!!!!!
They got me back to the room and hooked me up and right away found her beautiful little heartbeat. I just cried. And true to form, just like turning on a camera, Little Kiari began to dance. I felt stupid, but so relived all at the same time. The movements are there, but they aren't what they were, and that still has me a bit concerned. I was monitored for about 3 hours. It was longer than was needed, but I had to wait until noon to get the second steroid shot to help mature her lungs. I was just fine sitting there listening to her beating heart. I am just so grateful that she is still inside of me growing and moving, albeit however small the movements right now.
They were able to finally get the results checking the level of protein I am spilling and it is elevated as well. They like people to be under 150 and I am currently 247. It is still under the 300 limit for preeclampsia, but I hate the direction it is taking. I have been following my blood sugar levels as well and I am not doing too well in that department either. Even when I ate a meal that should have been just fine left me with a sugar level 50 points over what it should be. HOW DISCOURAGING. I just feel like I am fighting an uphill battle and I am scared. I mean, how much more can I take? I guess it could be so much worse. I could be laying in a hospital tonight with an empty tummy and empty arms. So I will gladly take what is being handed to me for now, but I am doing it with a lot of tears. My faith isn't as strong as it has been in the past and that isn't helping things out either. I am so grateful for all the prayers and faith out there for Kiari and me right now. This could be so much worse and perhaps those prayers and faith are what are making this pregnancy still go relatively well, even with all the complications.
I have a doctors appointment again tomorrow and I think I might just ask, once again, about that medically induced coma. ;)
Sorry for the little vent, but I HAD to get it out. And I figured it is my blog and the perfect place to do it. And you don't really have to read it if you don't want to. However, if you made it this far, it is too late. ;)
I worked on this for about 45 minutes this morning just to make sure I wasn't missing something and hoping that she was just sleeping. Last night she moved a little, but it wasn't up to her normal active movements. They were, once again, quiet and softer than what I know she is capable of and normally does. I received the first of the steroid shots to help mature her lungs in the event of a premature birth. Those can also slow the baby down a little, so I didn't think a whole lot of the decreased movements from last night. But boy did I this morning.
So I was there just crying and trying to get her to move. I swear I just about had a heart attack. I am only 28 weeks along and this is most certainly my last pregnancy. There is no way I can do another pregnancy, physically or mentally. I don't know how I would handle things if I lost her now. Oh the horrible things that went through my mind. It really sucks to be Pregnant after a Loss.
I called my doctor just sobbing and told him what was going on, and as I knew he would, he sent me in to Labor and Deliver. Problem.... Garth was at work. So I called him and he headed straight home. Luckily he works only about 20 minutes away. In the meantime, I had called about 6 different people to see if they could watch my girls. And of course, it being early on a Sunday morning, nobody answered, that only added to my panic. Finally I got a hold of my next door neighbor and she came and got my girls. Shortly after that Garth arrived and we headed to the hospital. He got us there quite quickly. what a good man! :)
The drive was excruciating. I have been down this path and was freaking out that I might have to travel it once again. I was thinking about what we would need to do to get a little casket. How would we get her to our burial plot in Utah. would Garth be able to take the time off to come out there for that? Could I really handle this again. All the time I am trying to elicit some movement from her and got nothing. Even just thinking about this morning makes me all teary.
Garth dropped me off at the front of the hospital and went to park the car. As I sat at the registration desk I finally felt the smallest of bumps against my belly button. HOPE!!!!!
They got me back to the room and hooked me up and right away found her beautiful little heartbeat. I just cried. And true to form, just like turning on a camera, Little Kiari began to dance. I felt stupid, but so relived all at the same time. The movements are there, but they aren't what they were, and that still has me a bit concerned. I was monitored for about 3 hours. It was longer than was needed, but I had to wait until noon to get the second steroid shot to help mature her lungs. I was just fine sitting there listening to her beating heart. I am just so grateful that she is still inside of me growing and moving, albeit however small the movements right now.
They were able to finally get the results checking the level of protein I am spilling and it is elevated as well. They like people to be under 150 and I am currently 247. It is still under the 300 limit for preeclampsia, but I hate the direction it is taking. I have been following my blood sugar levels as well and I am not doing too well in that department either. Even when I ate a meal that should have been just fine left me with a sugar level 50 points over what it should be. HOW DISCOURAGING. I just feel like I am fighting an uphill battle and I am scared. I mean, how much more can I take? I guess it could be so much worse. I could be laying in a hospital tonight with an empty tummy and empty arms. So I will gladly take what is being handed to me for now, but I am doing it with a lot of tears. My faith isn't as strong as it has been in the past and that isn't helping things out either. I am so grateful for all the prayers and faith out there for Kiari and me right now. This could be so much worse and perhaps those prayers and faith are what are making this pregnancy still go relatively well, even with all the complications.
I have a doctors appointment again tomorrow and I think I might just ask, once again, about that medically induced coma. ;)
Sorry for the little vent, but I HAD to get it out. And I figured it is my blog and the perfect place to do it. And you don't really have to read it if you don't want to. However, if you made it this far, it is too late. ;)
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Transfusion #4 - So glad that went well. :)
Okay, late updating again, but it is what it is. Yesterday's transfusion was BEAUTIFUL. Not painless, but still beautiful. Her levels had dropped to 9.4, not too bad and they got her up to 17.5 which was fabulous. They transfused her with with 60 cc's of blood this time, and once again, she took it like a champ.
Every time they admit me down there they start an IV and run several labs. This time they also decided to run a liver panel screen to make sure everything is looking okay. I had my normal doctor's appointment the day before and we noted that my urine output wasn't what it should be and it was dark. When they did the little dip strip in the office it came back with 1+ protein. I had let them know this down in Columbus as well. So while there they decided to run some additional tests, including the liver panel, as mentioned, and a 24 hour urine to see what the protein levels were. Well wouldn't know you it, my liver enzymes are elevated. *rolls eyes* of COURSE they are.
So today, I had the first steroid shot to help mature the baby's lungs in the chance that she will be born in the next two weeks. The shots usually last two weeks and then they wear off. I spoke with my doctor about that a little bit last night and asked if we were jumping the gun a little or if he thought we should just wait a week to give her a little more time. He said that he agreed, we should start the steroids now and in two weeks we will do a "rescue dose" if needed to go another 2 weeks. They won't do more than that. So she will either be delivered at the time, or she really won't need them and will be fine by the time we deliver. Oh, and those shots are intramuscular.... and they STING LIKE HELL!
I am not entirely sure what to think anymore. Part of me wants to keep this baby in there until at least 34 weeks and the other part wants to get her out now. I don't know what to hope for. I just want her to be okay. She is so quiet tonight. I can poke and shake the belly around and I will get a LITTLE response from her, but not a whole lot. I hope she is just resting up. She has been growing like you won't believe. Yesterday they estimated her weight to be around 2lbs 15 oz. AMAZING!
I bumped my appointment next week up to Monday and my doctor will re-run the liver panel and see how things are looking there. My hubby looked my lab results from the 24 hour test tonight and only part of it was completed. Luckily that part still looked okay, but we don't know what the protein level is. That is the part i am DYING to know about. Hopefully it will be in soon. I will be returning to OSUMC on December 2nd for the 5th transfusion. That one should get her to 32 weeks and then we will most likely do one more and can hopefully get her to 35 weeks. I sure hope I can make it that far. How nice would that be?
Oh, and the one big thing that happened this weekend..... my husband and I agreed on a name... kind of. ;) We have decided to name our little girl KIARI ADDISON. I am still not entirely sold on Kiari, but my husband really likes it. He was so happy that he finally got to pick a name. And because of that I am not so sure I can take it away. I really like Kiara, which was my suggestion and he suggested the variation. Kiari is pronounced Key-Are-Ee. So we will have to see which she finally ends up with.
So for now, my job is to let the house get messy and hold the couch down. It is harder than it would seem. ;) I am keeping my chin up for now and hoping we last at least 4 more weeks. I am 28 weeks today. I am so glad to finally be at this point, and she is so big. My goals with pregnancy are fairly simple anymore, 30 weeks and 4 pounds, and it looks like we just might get both.
Every time they admit me down there they start an IV and run several labs. This time they also decided to run a liver panel screen to make sure everything is looking okay. I had my normal doctor's appointment the day before and we noted that my urine output wasn't what it should be and it was dark. When they did the little dip strip in the office it came back with 1+ protein. I had let them know this down in Columbus as well. So while there they decided to run some additional tests, including the liver panel, as mentioned, and a 24 hour urine to see what the protein levels were. Well wouldn't know you it, my liver enzymes are elevated. *rolls eyes* of COURSE they are.
So today, I had the first steroid shot to help mature the baby's lungs in the chance that she will be born in the next two weeks. The shots usually last two weeks and then they wear off. I spoke with my doctor about that a little bit last night and asked if we were jumping the gun a little or if he thought we should just wait a week to give her a little more time. He said that he agreed, we should start the steroids now and in two weeks we will do a "rescue dose" if needed to go another 2 weeks. They won't do more than that. So she will either be delivered at the time, or she really won't need them and will be fine by the time we deliver. Oh, and those shots are intramuscular.... and they STING LIKE HELL!
I am not entirely sure what to think anymore. Part of me wants to keep this baby in there until at least 34 weeks and the other part wants to get her out now. I don't know what to hope for. I just want her to be okay. She is so quiet tonight. I can poke and shake the belly around and I will get a LITTLE response from her, but not a whole lot. I hope she is just resting up. She has been growing like you won't believe. Yesterday they estimated her weight to be around 2lbs 15 oz. AMAZING!
I bumped my appointment next week up to Monday and my doctor will re-run the liver panel and see how things are looking there. My hubby looked my lab results from the 24 hour test tonight and only part of it was completed. Luckily that part still looked okay, but we don't know what the protein level is. That is the part i am DYING to know about. Hopefully it will be in soon. I will be returning to OSUMC on December 2nd for the 5th transfusion. That one should get her to 32 weeks and then we will most likely do one more and can hopefully get her to 35 weeks. I sure hope I can make it that far. How nice would that be?
Oh, and the one big thing that happened this weekend..... my husband and I agreed on a name... kind of. ;) We have decided to name our little girl KIARI ADDISON. I am still not entirely sold on Kiari, but my husband really likes it. He was so happy that he finally got to pick a name. And because of that I am not so sure I can take it away. I really like Kiara, which was my suggestion and he suggested the variation. Kiari is pronounced Key-Are-Ee. So we will have to see which she finally ends up with.
So for now, my job is to let the house get messy and hold the couch down. It is harder than it would seem. ;) I am keeping my chin up for now and hoping we last at least 4 more weeks. I am 28 weeks today. I am so glad to finally be at this point, and she is so big. My goals with pregnancy are fairly simple anymore, 30 weeks and 4 pounds, and it looks like we just might get both.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
3rd Transfusion done, Ready for #4.... sort of.
Well, sorry I didn't update earlier this week. It has been full of information and I have just had a hard time processing all of it. They say, when it rains, it pours, and this week is certainly no exception. Just as I think I can handle all that is coming my way, there is another thing.... or two or three, to add to it.
Lets start with the Transfusion. I returned to Ohio State Med Center in Columbus on Monday night. This was one so much harder in many ways. My husband is in Dallas, Texas all this week and I am having a hard time going through all of this with out him. I certainly have a greater respect for the spouses of our service members. My hubby has only been gone a week and I am already losing my mind. So anyway, things were a bit more difficult with this transfusion. They started off by giving her a shot in the thigh once again. I hate that part. The poor little thing. They finally got in with the needle and had a hard time getting in to the cord, but they were unable to get any fluid or just amniotic fluid out. So after trying that for a little bit with no success, they decided to try another spot. Let me just say, it is certainly not painless when they go in with that needle. OWIE! But the second time was a little better. During both of the tries I continued to contract. That made things more difficult as well as it kept moving the needle out of the position it needed to be in. They were finally able to get some blood out of the cord to check her hemoglobin level and it had dropped to 6.7, which is what they expected. This time because she is doing so much better and getting so much stronger they transfused her with 40cc's instead of just 25 like they had done the previous two transfusions.
She tolerated it very well and took the blood like a champ, at least that is what the doctor said. They got her levels up to 12.6. So we are getting closer but not quite there yet. I return once again next Thursday night (a week from today) for another transfusion on the following morning.
I had a follow up appointment with my doctor yesterday and we talked about the remaining transfusions. He told me he would like me to have the remaining procedures down in Columbus. He said it had been a while since he had done these, and of course with the way the baby is sitting, it is actually quite difficult to get to the cord. He felt it would be better if I remained with the team that is there as they are already well into my care and I am in SUPER hands. I have to agree and am actually somewhat relieved he did want me to continue there. I am comfortable with the team there. I was sort of nervous about changing doctors on this procedure 1/2 way through them. So while it is a big pain in the butt to go down there, I am good with the suggestion.
I did get word that I failed the glucose tolerance test. Of course I did. How could I not? It seems like I am bound to bomb all of these stupid tests. I informed my doctor he was not allowed to run any more tests on me. he just laughed and agreed. So I declined the 3-hour test and will proceed as though I do have gestational diabetes, continue eat well and test my sugars regularly.
Another thing that is happening is that my blood pressure is going up. As you may recall, I have already had two pregnancies with preeclampsia, the second resulting in the 4-month early birth of my daughter. So this is one that concerns us. Luckily there isn't any protein in the urine, so he isn't too concerned yet. He said that if it starts to show up and the bp continues to rise, he will be putting me in the hospital. But for now I am on bed rest here at home, where I can at least be somewhat comfortable in my own bed and surroundings. I will enjoy it while I can. ;)
Needless to say, the last two days have been an emotional roller coaster for me and that is why I haven't posted an update. I just didn't want to get on to the computer because every time I thought about all of this, I just cried. ;) Today is better though.
My baby is getting stronger and she is back to being active. There are good things and bad things about that. I am trying hard to not complain, but dang I am getting sore. HAHAHA
So that is the update for now. I am eagerly awaiting the return of my hubby on Friday night (tomorrow) YAY!!!! My parents and brother are here through Sunday so at least I have some good company. :)
Thank you all for the support and continued prayers. I know I have responded to some of the comments and emails yet. I just haven't had the emotional stamina to do it. Please forgive me on that.
Lets start with the Transfusion. I returned to Ohio State Med Center in Columbus on Monday night. This was one so much harder in many ways. My husband is in Dallas, Texas all this week and I am having a hard time going through all of this with out him. I certainly have a greater respect for the spouses of our service members. My hubby has only been gone a week and I am already losing my mind. So anyway, things were a bit more difficult with this transfusion. They started off by giving her a shot in the thigh once again. I hate that part. The poor little thing. They finally got in with the needle and had a hard time getting in to the cord, but they were unable to get any fluid or just amniotic fluid out. So after trying that for a little bit with no success, they decided to try another spot. Let me just say, it is certainly not painless when they go in with that needle. OWIE! But the second time was a little better. During both of the tries I continued to contract. That made things more difficult as well as it kept moving the needle out of the position it needed to be in. They were finally able to get some blood out of the cord to check her hemoglobin level and it had dropped to 6.7, which is what they expected. This time because she is doing so much better and getting so much stronger they transfused her with 40cc's instead of just 25 like they had done the previous two transfusions.
She tolerated it very well and took the blood like a champ, at least that is what the doctor said. They got her levels up to 12.6. So we are getting closer but not quite there yet. I return once again next Thursday night (a week from today) for another transfusion on the following morning.
I had a follow up appointment with my doctor yesterday and we talked about the remaining transfusions. He told me he would like me to have the remaining procedures down in Columbus. He said it had been a while since he had done these, and of course with the way the baby is sitting, it is actually quite difficult to get to the cord. He felt it would be better if I remained with the team that is there as they are already well into my care and I am in SUPER hands. I have to agree and am actually somewhat relieved he did want me to continue there. I am comfortable with the team there. I was sort of nervous about changing doctors on this procedure 1/2 way through them. So while it is a big pain in the butt to go down there, I am good with the suggestion.
I did get word that I failed the glucose tolerance test. Of course I did. How could I not? It seems like I am bound to bomb all of these stupid tests. I informed my doctor he was not allowed to run any more tests on me. he just laughed and agreed. So I declined the 3-hour test and will proceed as though I do have gestational diabetes, continue eat well and test my sugars regularly.
Another thing that is happening is that my blood pressure is going up. As you may recall, I have already had two pregnancies with preeclampsia, the second resulting in the 4-month early birth of my daughter. So this is one that concerns us. Luckily there isn't any protein in the urine, so he isn't too concerned yet. He said that if it starts to show up and the bp continues to rise, he will be putting me in the hospital. But for now I am on bed rest here at home, where I can at least be somewhat comfortable in my own bed and surroundings. I will enjoy it while I can. ;)
Needless to say, the last two days have been an emotional roller coaster for me and that is why I haven't posted an update. I just didn't want to get on to the computer because every time I thought about all of this, I just cried. ;) Today is better though.
My baby is getting stronger and she is back to being active. There are good things and bad things about that. I am trying hard to not complain, but dang I am getting sore. HAHAHA
So that is the update for now. I am eagerly awaiting the return of my hubby on Friday night (tomorrow) YAY!!!! My parents and brother are here through Sunday so at least I have some good company. :)
Thank you all for the support and continued prayers. I know I have responded to some of the comments and emails yet. I just haven't had the emotional stamina to do it. Please forgive me on that.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Today, how is today? Hmmmmm
Well, after my little emotional break down the other day, I do actually feel somewhat better emotionally. Although, I did find out that I made a miscalculation. And I am not entirely sure how I did that. I guess I was just trying to get further along than I am. I am 26 weeks today. I had said that I want to get at least 3 more weeks until I hit 30. Nope, I have 4 more weeks to go. :) I sure hope I can eek out 4 more weeks.
When I made my doctor's appointment for next week I asked if we could just schedule a bunch of them since I knew I was going to be there every week. And quite honestly, you get the better appointment times if you schedule them out further. If not, you are stuck with whatever is left over. I hate that, because then they are always at the end of the day and you end up waiting forever! UGH! oh well. But I digress, the whole point of this was that they wouldn't let me schedule out more than one because they weren't confident that I wasn't going to be headed into the hospital. That actually took me off guard. I tried to act all normal and just laugh about it and say, yup, I told you I was a fun one. But inside, my stomach plummeted, because deep down, I know they are right. I don't think I am going to be able to skirt hospital bedrest this time.
Where does that leave me? We don't have any family that lives around here. While my friends have been great for stepping in and bringing meals and taking my girls, how much can you honestly burden these people? I mean, I am not due for another 14 weeks, 3 whole months. Ok, granted, even the doctor knows I won't deliver past 36 weeks, but that is still 10 weeks from now.
I wish I could just be one of those people that can spit babies out. You get pregnant and you just know that 9 months later you will have a baby. Oh the innocence of ignorance. Sigh.
My 4-year-old seems pretty oblivious to all that is going on. That is actually somewhat helpful. She knows that the baby is "sick" and needs a little bit of help to get better. But it is heartbreaking to watch my 10-year-old. She was there when Kelsi was born. She remembers it all. We had her in the room with us when we had removed Kelsi from live support and she then passed away as we held her together.
Riley has done a great job at putting on a brave face, but I know she is anxious. One of her coping mechanisms is an upset stomach that leads to vomiting, and she has been doing that again. It is so hard to watch. I have been talking with her about her feelings and fears. I wish I could just say, "oh honey, everything is going to be okay." Oh, how I wish I could say that. But I can't. I am trying so hard to believe it, particularly now that I am dealing with pre-term labor on top of all the transfusion stuff.
Sometimes it makes me wonder if God is punishing me for things that I have done or not done, but I know He doesn't work like that. People say that "everything happens for a reason." (One of my MOST hated phrases in this world.) But I think that sometimes, things just happen. We are then left to decide how to deal with that.
I do have to say that I feel differently about this pregnancy than the one I had with Kelsi. I have even allowed myself to venture into the baby sections. I have bought a crib and am getting her room ready. So now I hope. I don't know what else to do. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I have FAITH that everything will be okay. I did that once and it still didn't turn out the way I thought was "okay." :) But I do have hope. It is just a little daunting at the moment.
When I made my doctor's appointment for next week I asked if we could just schedule a bunch of them since I knew I was going to be there every week. And quite honestly, you get the better appointment times if you schedule them out further. If not, you are stuck with whatever is left over. I hate that, because then they are always at the end of the day and you end up waiting forever! UGH! oh well. But I digress, the whole point of this was that they wouldn't let me schedule out more than one because they weren't confident that I wasn't going to be headed into the hospital. That actually took me off guard. I tried to act all normal and just laugh about it and say, yup, I told you I was a fun one. But inside, my stomach plummeted, because deep down, I know they are right. I don't think I am going to be able to skirt hospital bedrest this time.
Where does that leave me? We don't have any family that lives around here. While my friends have been great for stepping in and bringing meals and taking my girls, how much can you honestly burden these people? I mean, I am not due for another 14 weeks, 3 whole months. Ok, granted, even the doctor knows I won't deliver past 36 weeks, but that is still 10 weeks from now.
I wish I could just be one of those people that can spit babies out. You get pregnant and you just know that 9 months later you will have a baby. Oh the innocence of ignorance. Sigh.
My 4-year-old seems pretty oblivious to all that is going on. That is actually somewhat helpful. She knows that the baby is "sick" and needs a little bit of help to get better. But it is heartbreaking to watch my 10-year-old. She was there when Kelsi was born. She remembers it all. We had her in the room with us when we had removed Kelsi from live support and she then passed away as we held her together.
Riley has done a great job at putting on a brave face, but I know she is anxious. One of her coping mechanisms is an upset stomach that leads to vomiting, and she has been doing that again. It is so hard to watch. I have been talking with her about her feelings and fears. I wish I could just say, "oh honey, everything is going to be okay." Oh, how I wish I could say that. But I can't. I am trying so hard to believe it, particularly now that I am dealing with pre-term labor on top of all the transfusion stuff.
Sometimes it makes me wonder if God is punishing me for things that I have done or not done, but I know He doesn't work like that. People say that "everything happens for a reason." (One of my MOST hated phrases in this world.) But I think that sometimes, things just happen. We are then left to decide how to deal with that.
I do have to say that I feel differently about this pregnancy than the one I had with Kelsi. I have even allowed myself to venture into the baby sections. I have bought a crib and am getting her room ready. So now I hope. I don't know what else to do. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I have FAITH that everything will be okay. I did that once and it still didn't turn out the way I thought was "okay." :) But I do have hope. It is just a little daunting at the moment.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Not sure how I feel today
Well, today I should have been happily off on an airplane with my husband to the Mile High City of Denver, Colorado. Instead I spent the morning nauseous and jittery from the Terbutaline my doctor has put me on to help stop the contractions that I have been having. I also got to drink the most fabulously flavored glucose crapola they make poor pregnant women drink for the glucose tolerance test in testing for gestational diabetes. I can honestly say that if it comes back positive I WILL have a nervous breakdown. I cannot handle one more little thing with this pregnancy. I am already on pins and needles between the whole transfusion and added to that the pre-term labor and bedrest.
I know I am tired but I have just been trying my hardest to hold back all my tears and frustration since my husband left without me for our trip. I miss him and I am scared to have him gone for so long. Even though he is only gone for a week, I hate that he isn't here with me during this time. My little stinker of a baby is not helping things out either as she still isn't moving very much. I miss having her be so active. At least when she was active I could be certain that she was alive. I know that is so morose, but when you have been through what I have been through, it is a thought that frequents the mind.
It is so hard to be so helpless. I am used to being able to do everything. It is so hard to have to depend so much on other people. I have the best friends and students in the world. They have been bringing in meals, helping out with my girls and such. It is a relief to have them, but at the same time it is really hard to accept their help, particularly when I need so much. I am just really having a hard time today keeping my chin up. Everyone loves to say that "everything will be okay," but quite honestly, it is really hard to believe that. I hate it when they say that too, because nobody really knows.
I had an appointment with my doctor yesterday. I love that man. I asked him about what this does to our goal delivery date. He said it definitely moves it up. He would like to see me get to 36 weeks. So would I, quite honestly, but I also think that this is a pipe dream. One good thing that we did note is that the hydrops have greatly reduced. She hardly had any fluid around her heart and brain. There was still a bit in her abdomen but even that has gone down considerably. Now, if only I could get her active again....
As I laid in bed last night all jittery and feeling awful from the contraction stopping drugs, I just prayed that I make it until Garth gets home next week. I would really like to get to 30 weeks. That is just 3 more weeks to go. Once I get to 30, then I will set another goal, but I want to get to 30. Please let me get to 30. I hate this so much. I am so scared.
I will be returning to Ohio State Med Center next week for the next transfusion. After this one, I will do the remainder here in Akron. I am not looking forward to doing this transfusion without my husband, but again, it is just the walk that has to be walked, even if it does suck. And it really does suck. :( My dad flies in on Monday and my mom and brother will follow suit on Wednesday. It will be so nice to have some family around.
Okay, I am going to go and hold my couch down and try to hold myself together.
I know I am tired but I have just been trying my hardest to hold back all my tears and frustration since my husband left without me for our trip. I miss him and I am scared to have him gone for so long. Even though he is only gone for a week, I hate that he isn't here with me during this time. My little stinker of a baby is not helping things out either as she still isn't moving very much. I miss having her be so active. At least when she was active I could be certain that she was alive. I know that is so morose, but when you have been through what I have been through, it is a thought that frequents the mind.
It is so hard to be so helpless. I am used to being able to do everything. It is so hard to have to depend so much on other people. I have the best friends and students in the world. They have been bringing in meals, helping out with my girls and such. It is a relief to have them, but at the same time it is really hard to accept their help, particularly when I need so much. I am just really having a hard time today keeping my chin up. Everyone loves to say that "everything will be okay," but quite honestly, it is really hard to believe that. I hate it when they say that too, because nobody really knows.
I had an appointment with my doctor yesterday. I love that man. I asked him about what this does to our goal delivery date. He said it definitely moves it up. He would like to see me get to 36 weeks. So would I, quite honestly, but I also think that this is a pipe dream. One good thing that we did note is that the hydrops have greatly reduced. She hardly had any fluid around her heart and brain. There was still a bit in her abdomen but even that has gone down considerably. Now, if only I could get her active again....
As I laid in bed last night all jittery and feeling awful from the contraction stopping drugs, I just prayed that I make it until Garth gets home next week. I would really like to get to 30 weeks. That is just 3 more weeks to go. Once I get to 30, then I will set another goal, but I want to get to 30. Please let me get to 30. I hate this so much. I am so scared.
I will be returning to Ohio State Med Center next week for the next transfusion. After this one, I will do the remainder here in Akron. I am not looking forward to doing this transfusion without my husband, but again, it is just the walk that has to be walked, even if it does suck. And it really does suck. :( My dad flies in on Monday and my mom and brother will follow suit on Wednesday. It will be so nice to have some family around.
Okay, I am going to go and hold my couch down and try to hold myself together.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Let's Try this again
So, I had a nice long blog post all ready to submit and my iPad wiped the stupid thing. GRRRR. I hate it when things like that happen. I don't even remember everything I wrote. UGH.
Today's transfusion went okay. I don't like doing them and sadly, I have quite a few more in my near future. However, it is better than the alternative, so I will gladly do this.
Last night, I tried to get some sleep, but having a roommate whose alarms kept going off all night killed any hopes of any good sleep. However, I did sleep much better than last Thursday night, so that is a blessing in and of itself. They came in and got my IV going around 6:00 this morning. They took me back to the same room where I had the procedure last week. The doctor inquired about her movements. Remember when I said that she had slowed back down? Well, that was an indicator that her hgb has gotten low again. He did a quick ultrasound on her and it looks like the hydrops are decreasing, so that is very promising news. She was hiding the cord from them today, so it was a little trickier to get into the correct position.
They gave her another shot in her thigh to paralyze her during the procedure. She didn't care for that much at all. I vaguely recall hearing them talk about it and afterward Garth was telling me that she tried to hit the needle away and was moving trying to get away from it. Poor little thing. But she was a trooper and seems to be feeling much better now.
Once they got things going, I began to feel very sick. I was so nauseous and broke out into a sweat. I guess my blood pressure had dropped to 74/38. No wonder I felt awful. They hurried to push fluids and I began to feel much better. But with all the drugs to sedate the baby and I, I kept falling asleep through the procedure. I could hear the conversations, but it all seemed distant and dream like.
They did find out that her Hgb had dropped to 5.4 (down from 8.4 last week.) They said this was expected however since she started off so bad. Basically, she still has quite a lot (3/4 volume) of her own blood that is still breaking down. They transfused her with another 25cc's (1/4 of her blood volume) today, so we have now essentially replaced 1/2 of her blood volume with O- blood. This will help to keep her hemoglobin up. She made it up to 10.0 today. So that means I have to have another transfusion next week. They said that once we get on top of this, the spacing between transfusions should go to about 2 - 3 weeks. THANK GOODNESS.
I think my pain tolerance has gone out the window. The pokes and sticks are killing me and they didn't seem to be that bad before. But you want to know the worst one? It was removing the tape from the stupid IV. I will gladly go through more transfusions vs removing the stupid tape on my arm from the IV's. How sad is that? HAHAHA I think I am going to shave my arms (not that I have a ton of hair on them) before the next transfusion. Perhaps that will help. You think? Oh, and let's not even talk about the gauge (thickness) of the needles used for the stupid IV. It is 18 gauge. When I do my jewelry work and I want to use a nice gauge of wire, I use 18 gauge. And you know what? It isn't small! The back of my hand is one big bruise from last weeks IV. It doesn't feel very good. Funny though, it just looks like I haven't washed my hands. hehehe
Tomorrow I finally get to meet with my doctor. I cannot wait. I am dying to talk with him. I guess the two docs have been fighting over who gets to keep doing my transfusions, they both want to do it. :) HAHA I will do my best to stay with the one here in Akron though. I am really tired of the drive to Columbus. However, I have to say, I do like the Ohio State Med Center. It is VERY nice. But my hubby is out of town for the next week and a half, and I would really prefer to stay close to home.
My contractions haven't been too bad today. But then again, I have been laying down nearly all day long. I am really hoping that they are letting up so I can break free of the couch and bed. With my hubby being gone, I need to be able to be mobile.
Thank you all so much for your prayers. It is amazing to know that literally hundreds of prayers are being said on behalf of my unborn little girl, family and myself. I know that these procedures are scary, but I feel such a calm and have a strength that I didn't expect. Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart. Prayer really does make a difference.
Today's transfusion went okay. I don't like doing them and sadly, I have quite a few more in my near future. However, it is better than the alternative, so I will gladly do this.
Last night, I tried to get some sleep, but having a roommate whose alarms kept going off all night killed any hopes of any good sleep. However, I did sleep much better than last Thursday night, so that is a blessing in and of itself. They came in and got my IV going around 6:00 this morning. They took me back to the same room where I had the procedure last week. The doctor inquired about her movements. Remember when I said that she had slowed back down? Well, that was an indicator that her hgb has gotten low again. He did a quick ultrasound on her and it looks like the hydrops are decreasing, so that is very promising news. She was hiding the cord from them today, so it was a little trickier to get into the correct position.
They gave her another shot in her thigh to paralyze her during the procedure. She didn't care for that much at all. I vaguely recall hearing them talk about it and afterward Garth was telling me that she tried to hit the needle away and was moving trying to get away from it. Poor little thing. But she was a trooper and seems to be feeling much better now.
Once they got things going, I began to feel very sick. I was so nauseous and broke out into a sweat. I guess my blood pressure had dropped to 74/38. No wonder I felt awful. They hurried to push fluids and I began to feel much better. But with all the drugs to sedate the baby and I, I kept falling asleep through the procedure. I could hear the conversations, but it all seemed distant and dream like.
They did find out that her Hgb had dropped to 5.4 (down from 8.4 last week.) They said this was expected however since she started off so bad. Basically, she still has quite a lot (3/4 volume) of her own blood that is still breaking down. They transfused her with another 25cc's (1/4 of her blood volume) today, so we have now essentially replaced 1/2 of her blood volume with O- blood. This will help to keep her hemoglobin up. She made it up to 10.0 today. So that means I have to have another transfusion next week. They said that once we get on top of this, the spacing between transfusions should go to about 2 - 3 weeks. THANK GOODNESS.
I think my pain tolerance has gone out the window. The pokes and sticks are killing me and they didn't seem to be that bad before. But you want to know the worst one? It was removing the tape from the stupid IV. I will gladly go through more transfusions vs removing the stupid tape on my arm from the IV's. How sad is that? HAHAHA I think I am going to shave my arms (not that I have a ton of hair on them) before the next transfusion. Perhaps that will help. You think? Oh, and let's not even talk about the gauge (thickness) of the needles used for the stupid IV. It is 18 gauge. When I do my jewelry work and I want to use a nice gauge of wire, I use 18 gauge. And you know what? It isn't small! The back of my hand is one big bruise from last weeks IV. It doesn't feel very good. Funny though, it just looks like I haven't washed my hands. hehehe
Tomorrow I finally get to meet with my doctor. I cannot wait. I am dying to talk with him. I guess the two docs have been fighting over who gets to keep doing my transfusions, they both want to do it. :) HAHA I will do my best to stay with the one here in Akron though. I am really tired of the drive to Columbus. However, I have to say, I do like the Ohio State Med Center. It is VERY nice. But my hubby is out of town for the next week and a half, and I would really prefer to stay close to home.
My contractions haven't been too bad today. But then again, I have been laying down nearly all day long. I am really hoping that they are letting up so I can break free of the couch and bed. With my hubby being gone, I need to be able to be mobile.
Thank you all so much for your prayers. It is amazing to know that literally hundreds of prayers are being said on behalf of my unborn little girl, family and myself. I know that these procedures are scary, but I feel such a calm and have a strength that I didn't expect. Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart. Prayer really does make a difference.
Waiting...
It is 11:40 pm and I am sitting in the hospital room listening to. Y roommate talk with her nurse and spending too much time with my thoughts. I am spending the night once again in the Ohio State Medical Center. Tomorrow my sweet unborn little girl will have another blood transfusion. It will be interesting to see how she looks after her first transfusion last friday morning.
She really did perk up quite a bit, but she has since quieted down a little in the past 24 hours. I have spent the entire weekend on bed rest. Everytime I stand up the contractions begin.
It is a small chance, but it makes me nervous to think of the possibility that she could be born tomorrow. People tell me not to think of it, but if you don't then how can you be prepared in case it does happen? It is also pretty daunting to think of going through all of this multiple times. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but there are still things I would rather not have to go through.
I have to say though that this has been an amazing journey already. I mean, it is simply amazing that they can transfuse an unborn child. I can't tell you how grateful and blessed I am to be in a location to have some of the very best and most specialized doctors working to keep my baby healthy. I am also grateful for all the prayers that are being said for me and the baby and my family. The peace and calm I feel is priceless. Even the doctors have been impressed withnhow well controlled I am with my emotions. There are times when I justnwant to lose it, but then think, what good would that do? It is just the path that has to be walked. It can't be avoided.
Oh, theynwere vale to find out the blood type of my little girl. She is o+. Funny thing about that is, so is Riley and Garth. Kate is o-. I am a- and kelsi was a+. My antibodyntiter has jumped from 1:32 to over 1:2,000. Nonwonder my poor baby is so sick. It will also be interesting to see if the rise in the titer makes a difference in how often we have to do transfusions.
Well the ambient is kicking in. Sorry about any of the typos I am doing this on my iPad and the keyboard is touchy.
Wish me luck. I will update after I ger home tomorrow.
She really did perk up quite a bit, but she has since quieted down a little in the past 24 hours. I have spent the entire weekend on bed rest. Everytime I stand up the contractions begin.
It is a small chance, but it makes me nervous to think of the possibility that she could be born tomorrow. People tell me not to think of it, but if you don't then how can you be prepared in case it does happen? It is also pretty daunting to think of going through all of this multiple times. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but there are still things I would rather not have to go through.
I have to say though that this has been an amazing journey already. I mean, it is simply amazing that they can transfuse an unborn child. I can't tell you how grateful and blessed I am to be in a location to have some of the very best and most specialized doctors working to keep my baby healthy. I am also grateful for all the prayers that are being said for me and the baby and my family. The peace and calm I feel is priceless. Even the doctors have been impressed withnhow well controlled I am with my emotions. There are times when I justnwant to lose it, but then think, what good would that do? It is just the path that has to be walked. It can't be avoided.
Oh, theynwere vale to find out the blood type of my little girl. She is o+. Funny thing about that is, so is Riley and Garth. Kate is o-. I am a- and kelsi was a+. My antibodyntiter has jumped from 1:32 to over 1:2,000. Nonwonder my poor baby is so sick. It will also be interesting to see if the rise in the titer makes a difference in how often we have to do transfusions.
Well the ambient is kicking in. Sorry about any of the typos I am doing this on my iPad and the keyboard is touchy.
Wish me luck. I will update after I ger home tomorrow.
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