Monday, December 13, 2010

This ride really stinks.

First off, I will say that Kiari is amazing! She is blowing the socks off of everyone with her rapid progress. Sadly, it doesn't change things in terms of when she will be coming home with us. We still have a goal date of the first or second week in January.
Opening the little eyes
Holding Daddy's fingers

 She is only on one little Bili Blanket for the jaundice. She is breathing without any oxygen, cannula or any help whatsoever. She had to have a blood transfusion yesterday and she did really well with that. Her hemoglobin levels dropped to 11.3 and after her transfusion it came up to 14.6. That was her first post birth transfusion. The last transfusion she had was 3 weeks ago. So that is really good. We thought for sure she would need one before now. She has done a great job with the jaundice and it is nice to have her on only one small light source. The doctor today said that we can hold her without the blanket. When we put her back into the isolette then she will need the blanket, but that is all. She is doing great with her weight. She is now up to 3 lbs 8 oz. She is starting to fill out a little bit and she has the cutest chubby cheeks. I wish she looked a bit more like me. I mean, I love her daddy and the way he looks, obviously, but I would like her to look a little more like me. She has my chin and over abundance of hair, but that is it. The rest is all her daddy. She looks JUST like Riley did when she was born.
Riley holding Kiari's Hand

She is up to an oz (30 cc's) per feeding now. She started out at only 10cc's, so she is coming right along. She is so stinking sweet. I went to the hospital with my husband this morning when he went in to work and I held her all day long. It was so hard to leave as she had just woken up and was looking around. I hate leaving her when she is awake and alert like that. It breaks my heart.
The first time I held Kiari

It actually breaks my heart to have her here already. I miss having her in my belly. I miss feeling her move around. I hate that I have to come home every night after spending only a few hours a day with her. It is really hard to have an empty belly and empty arms. I know it could be worse. She is doing so well. She is alive and thriving. I have been through worse. But this is still really hard. A bunch of my friends were all posting pictures of their bellies and it just breaks my heart that mine is empty and VERY flabby at the moment.
The last time I will hold a baby in my tummy - 29 weeks - an hour before Kiari was born

Right now my parents are in town to help out, and I am so glad that they are here. My mother is FABULOUS. She is always so good at helping out with whatever needs to be done. Today they put up the Christmas tree and started on Christmas Cookies. She is going to make some drapes to go with our bedding set for the nursery. She helps clean and most importantly, right now she is spending time with my girls. I feel guilty about leaving them here all day so I can spend time with Kiari, but it is a bit easier knowing that she is here to be with them. Next week will be hard when they are out of school and my parents are gone. How do you split your time between the hospital and your children that are here and still need you. Talk about massive mommy guilt.
Taken 12/13/10 - 10 days old
My Tiny Girl

I am so glad to be done with the complications of this pregnancy. It was always so hard to know that I had all these issues looming overhead. But I am so sorry to be done with the pregnancy. It was my last and I feel like some of the best parts of the pregnancy were taken from me before I got to really enjoy them. Most of all, my baby was taken out before she got the benefits of maturing in the way she was supposed to. Granted, my body provided a fairly hostile environment for her. So sad. That just isn't the way things were meant to be.
She is holding my 4-year-olds finger

I just don't care for the whole NICU experience. :(

First family photo

Daddy's Girls


  1. I don't blame you for not caring for the NICU experience. She's gorgeous!

    I totally felt that way about the pregnancy being robbed from me with Olivia, since I had her at 23 weeks and she was so growth restricted, we missed out on most of the good stuff. I didn't have much of a baby bump, I never really felt her move consistently, it definitely sucks having your pregnancy end in the 20's.

    I hope she keeps growing healthy and strong and she'll be home with you before you know it.

  2. I have been following you all on FB, and think you'll all doing amazingly well ... I feel so blessed to know such an inspirational family! Kiari will be home before you know it ... she wants to come home as much as you want her to be there. :) *hugs* to you all!!

  3. Kiari is Amazing and so are you!! Love you both!!