Update on us

first, I would like to say thank you to all of your well wishes and prayers. Something is working, so please keep them coming.

All of this still seems so surreal. I am still sporting a pretty good sized belly. I hate that part. ;) It is strange to have it be so flabby and still so swollen. They gave me this great big binder to wrap around me and that certainly helps it to feel better. I am really sore, not from the c-section itself, but rather from the tubal ligation and other things they did while they were in there. too bad they couldn't do a tummy tuck while he was at it. ;) HA! That would be a great gift. Oh well, guess I will just have to do it the old fashioned way.

Things are going rather well. Kiari is doing super! Her bilirubin had started to rise really fast and they are being very aggressive with her treatment when it comes to that. They are doing what it is called triple phototherapy. This means that she is COVERED in lights. THey have two large banks of lights and the biliblanket going. But she is responding well... thank goodness. At one point her level was an 8. While that doesn't seem that high, they said because she is so small and early, it is like a newborn having a level around 15+. They said if it remained an 8 or went up then they would transfer her to Children's hospital. Luckily it came down, ever so slightly. Enough that they were comfortable keeping her here. It could still change at any ponit if her levels go up.

Today they are going to place a PICC line. This will replace all the IV sites she has had. She keeps blowing her veins. The PICC line should eliminate this. I hope so. They blew two of my veins trying to get my IV in for the transfusion that didn't happen and they still hurt. But my little girl is being a trooper.

Yesterday I got to spend a little bit of time in Heaven. I was talking with the doctor about the plan for treatment as we get closer to the time where we are going to need to do a transfusion on her and such. I haven't been able to hold her at all to that point for a couple of reasons. First, she wasn't able to tolerate too much stimulation. It would make her Oxygen sats go way down. And then she also really needed to be under the lights as much as we can get her. So I asked the doctor if I could hold her yet or if she would still recommend that I wait. I asked if I could hold someone elses baby if I couldn't hold my own. My arms are just aching to hold a baby. So later in the day I was able to do what is called kangaroo care. This is where the mother and baby have skin to skin contact. she was really agitated as we moved her as I am sure it wasn't very comfortable. But as soon as they put her on my chest, she snuggled right in and calmed down. It was literally heaven for 25 minutes. I don't know if I will get to hold her again today or not, but I could use a little bit of that heaven once again.

She loves to suck on her pacifier. She is the only one of my children that has ever liked that. I remember we tried to give one to Riley when she was first born and she spit that thing out so hard that she literally cleared her feet. It was funny. Riley preferred her thumb. Kate never took a paci either, but we didn't let her suck her thumb as we didn't want to have to go through the process of breaking the habit again.

The hormones are starting to kick in as is the realization of all that has happened. I have to try very hard to not think about certain things or the waterworks begin. And boy do they flow. I have to go home tomorrow and it is going to be an awful day when I do. Even typing that got me crying. It is so hard to leave the hospital without your baby. I know this time it is different. Kiari is still alive and waiting for me, but it is still awful to think about going home with an empty tummy and arms. But if you think about it, it is kind of good that she isn't coming home with us. We don't have AnYTHING for her. No diapers, no crib, no clothing, NOTHING. So it will at least give us some time to get things ready. Not that it makes any of this any easier.

I think my milk is FINALLY starting to come in. Though, it still isn't enough to feed her. But every little bit helps. Right now I use these little swabs to collect what I can and then we place the swab in her mouth. I usually will rub the swab around and then let her suck on it for a little bit. This helps to still provide her with some antibodies and good nutrients. Hopefully things will start to pick up here today and tomorrow. Right now she is on Donor milk. I am so grateful for people who have taken the time to do that so that babies like mine can benefit from it. People we have no idea about have really helped us along this time from blood transfusions to donor milk. I am so glad that there are people out there that do things like this.

I am not sure if there is anything else to update or not. My memory isn't working as well as I would like it to right now.

So for now, thank you again for your prayers. I have put some pictures up on my facebook page. I can't get any images to post on my blogs from my ipad, so I will have to do some of that when I get home tomorrow.